I thought this was going to be a funny book, but it's much more academic than I expected.
In Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness, Melissa Dahl examines a whole spectrum of human emotions and communication to pinpoint why we sometimes cringe out of pure awkwardness. When most people think of awkwardness now, they reference episodes of The Office, but she takes an in-depth look at circumstances and situations that make our current infatuation with awkwardness (TV shows, memes, funny t-shirts, etc.) understandable.
I know what the difference is between being embarrassed and feeling ashamed; embarrassment is a temporary, superficial state whereas shame is longer-lasting (sometimes permanent) and is felt on a much deeper level. For example, one time when I was in grad school, working at the mall to earn my rent money, I was in the food court picking up my lunch for the day. The heel on my shoe broke off, and I went down like a sack of bricks. Right in the middle of the food court. At the busiest time of day. Wearing a skirt. I got up, limped back to the store I worked at, ate my lunch alone and bought a new pair of shoes. It was very embarrassing, but it really only lasted for a few minutes, and I was able to laugh at myself almost immediately. . .because I'm sure it looked pretty funny.
Shame is an entirely different monster, and a much bigger and darker one. Shame is what I feel when I think back on certain moments when I know I've hurt someone with thoughtless words and selfish actions. I can't laugh it off, and I relive it every time I revisit those moments.
Likewise, awkwardness isn't just making a joke that none of your friends get. It's not a bad hair day, or not knowing anyone at a party. Those scenarios are sometimes involved, but they are not the exact cause. Awkwardness at its core is the visceral reminder that we are all playing roles in our lives. It's what we feel when it becomes apparent to us that person we think we are/want to be is NOT the person we are projecting to others. When we become aware of the gap that exists between the two, we feel uneasy and disconnected from ourselves.
For example, my friend told me that she recently went on a hike with students and other staff members at the school she works at. She just started working there this year, so she is still trying to get know everyone. She wore a baseball hat on the hike to keep the sun out of her eyes, and she thought she must have looked good in it, because she felt good in it. But when she got home afterwards and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she saw that the hat does not fit her head very well, and it was kind of sitting on top of her head. . .she had gone all day, thinking she was projecting herself as confident and carefree, with a sporty appearance, and then she realized that she had probably looked ridiculous the entire time. That's Awkward.
My friend is gorgeous, with lovely blonde hair and a great smile; she doesn't have an "awkward" exterior. It's just in that moment, she became aware of the person that people were seeing in contrast to the way she felt she was being seen.
Dahl writes alot about the impact of social media of our perceptions of ourselves, and our obsession with how we look. Video telephones have long been thought to be the future, but they have never caught on to the degree that we thought they would. It makes sense: wouldn't wire communications be easier if we could see who we're talking to, and not just hear them? Of course. But we don't seem to want it that much, preferring texting and emailing and regular voice calls to video chats. Why?
Because we don't like looking at ourselves for that long, and we don't like thinking about how the other person is seeing us. Most people feel uneasy hearing their own voices, and many people don't like seeing how they look on video. We are used to seeing ourselves in mirrors, but the mirror image is a 'flipped' one, and seeing an image that is not inverted shows us how others see us, not how we see ourselves.
I was interviewed for a documentary a couple years ago, and when the producer emailed me the rushes, I was absolutely horrified. I cringed every time I saw the email sitting in my inbox. I had tried so hard that morning to apply my make-up perfectly, and curl my hair, and I picked out an outfit that wasn't too trendy or too dark (because I didn't want to look washed out). . .and my efforts were wasted. I despaired, and showed it to a co-worker, and she said "You just look like you." Really? That's how I look and sound all the time, to everyone in the world?! Uuuuugggggghhhh. . .
Dahl discusses awkwardness ins specific settings, like on social media or at the workplace. The book is very funny at times, mostly because Dahl presents us with situations and inner monologues that many of us can relate to, despite not wanting to admit it, but I would consider this more of a sociology study than a comedic work.
This picture pretty much sums me up.
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